Of unexpected abundance, mom shaming myself, and (finally) the true smell of summer.

  1. A screaming nightmare wakes us all. She says it’s a ghost, but the third time she confesses it’s a ploy to get more cuddles. There must be a word for feeling overwhelming love commingled with exasperation. Probably German.
  2. There’s more than there should be. I smile and move on, gently brushing aside my need to know why, where, and how. It is. And that’s enough.
  3. I run the numbers a couple of times, sliding scales and values. We can make it. It shouldn’t even be that hard. One or two wins will make all the difference.
  4. It came! On to round two!
  5. Bless you, Walmart cashier, for having pity on this dazed momma who based her entire price matching strategy on thinking it was Saturday.
  6. I yell for the first time. Really yell–not the raised snappish voice I’ve felt guilty for in the past, but the full-throated, booming register of frustrated authority. I’m disgusted with myself as I cry later.
  7. “You’re burnt out because….”
  8. Quantum anything fascinates me–it’s like peeking into God’s toolbox. If only I didn’t feel a hundred watts too dim whenever I read about it.
  9. The rare smell of a charcoal grill, the hum of a lawnmower, the slowly cooling late sun.
  10. I acknowledge feeling rejected, overlooked, not good enough. I let it pass through. I push forward.

Author: Ellie

Uppity stardust. Will eat (almost) anything.

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