Noticing.Nine

  1. Why is she up at 6am?
  2. Excuse me, Winter, you’re no longer welcome, please leave immediately. Threatening us with negative degrees is just tacky.
  3. It takes a couple of hours before I realize I’m exhausted. Again. My eyelids hot and thick, my energy bottoming out as I swing a second cup of coffee. Am I sick? Running too hard? Doing cosmic battle in my dreams ?
  4. I can’t be the only mom who forgets about Mother’s Day. It just doesn’t feel like it applies to me.
  5. “Love leaves a mark.”
  6. Peace is the promise you keep.
  7. A woman comes alongside me, takes my tiny hand in hers, and all three of us cross the street. Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, and me–their precious, found daughter. A complete picture at last.
  8. Lay it down. Leave it there.
  9. I clean one room–I even move the couch. It’s not enough, but it’s a start.
  10. If I hurry, I can be asleep by 8:30.

Noticing.Eight

  1. ZOO DAY
  2. I don’t know when I became so obsessed with avoiding food poisoning, but even though my pasta salad is dressed with oil and contains only veggies, I’m nervous about eating it after five unrefrigerated hours.
  3. The difference between a custom and a law is enforcement.
  4. He’s obviously happier. Nothing’s changed–yet–but his perspective. The peace is nearly tangible.
  5. They’re so…human. I could sit here all day, marinating in this combination of wonder and sorrow.
  6. When I ask her what she thinks of the gorillas, she says they’re scary, but I can tell she doesn’t mean it, that she’s only saying it because she’s been saying it for so long she’s convinced she still believes it even as her eyes shine with joy.
  7. My anger at being misunderstood and fear of disappointing others must be rooted in places I haven’t found yet. Or haven’t been brave enough to look for.
  8. No one falls asleep on the way home.
  9. World’s Sexiest Forehead Sunburn.
  10. I haven’t felt the urge to spring clean, but when your toddler tells you the house is dirty, it’s gone too far.

Noticing.Seven

  1. The alarm goes off at 5:30–half an hour after I wake up.
  2. Today, we are three.
  3. I push away the momguilt of the actual day being less than special and replace it with prayers for kindness, gentleness, peace, and joy.
  4. I also make chocolate chip donuts at the last minute to send with her to school. Because you can’t win ’em all.
  5. Pack her off to care, balance bank account, Polo with Mom, reply to emails, write the post, write the letter, call insurance, book one eye exam and three dentist appointments, accidentally fall into pruning her memory box, feels, donation dropoff, coffee shop to cram in client work, world’s fastest and lightest Costco run, race through Walmart for essentials, pick her up, make and eat dinner, fight through bedtime, run to toy store to pick up a gift, make lunch for zoo tomorrow, ablute, remember at the last second to Notice.
  6. All that TA DA! material, and I still feel like I “lost” because I didn’t have time for a full grocery shop.
  7. I regret not wearing a coat–12C is not the same with and without sun–but pretend I’m from here.
  8. A giant bag of muffins says, “I love you.”
  9. So. Very. Tired.
  10. Affirmation: The vanilla almond milk will be better in my coffee than the coconut creamer.

Noticing.Six

  1. We all sleep through the night. Some longer than others. But all deeply and well.
  2. This is a safe space. Here, I can fumble with earnest feelings, make overtures, be corrected, love and see and hear while also being loved and seen and heard–without fear of breaking something (or someone).
  3. I’m concerned about my seeming lack of concern. Vigilant for the line between peace beyond understanding and the laziness of denial.
  4. How did I get carrot bits in my sinus. Why.
  5. That is not how I wanted that to come out. Dammit, brain, you’re supposed to cover me.
  6. Friends who are also clients who are also friends.
  7. It’s been 48 hours since the door closed and the windows are already opening.
  8. School, lunch with family, impromptu park playdate. It’s way too much for her non-napping soul, and she’s a wreck before 5pm. (re)Learning that an overtired kiddo means a restless night for everyone.
  9. I step outside after dark to run to the pharmacy and pause on the stoop to appreciate the dewy warm air on my face. Spring is here. Summer is coming.
  10. This neti pot better work.

Noticing.Five

  1. Up at midnight. We grunt at each other, give sleepy hugs, then ooze into bed. Greeting one another after a week apart is different after being married ten years.
  2. I sit across a coffee cup and marvel.
  3. Not to make all new things, but to make all things new.
  4. “You gave me a gift! That makes my heart happy!” Melt.
  5. We share a cup of zucchini-dill soup and a slice of cheesecake with strawberry reduction at the cafe. She likes the soup but not the cake. I’m okay with this split.
  6. 90% of the best possible outcome.
  7. Mother’s Day. Crap.
  8. I still haven’t planned a party. This late, it may not happen. More guilt.
  9. Eff it. I’m sending it anyway.
  10. I almost miss today. I write a very bad list. Mostly because these days I’m so caught up in the juggling act that I fail to notice much of anything.